Q & A
Is oral sex, sex?
They don't call it oral friendship do they?! Of course not, that's
because oral sex is a form of sex, which by the way is another way STD's
are transferred.
What is abstinence?
Abstinence is refraining from something. When we talk about abstinence
on this site, we are referring to refraining from any sexual activity
including touching, and anal, oral, and vaginal sex,* until you are in a
loving, committed, self-less relationship, a relationship that can only
be found in the highest commitment our culture can make - marriage.
Why would anyone wait to have sex until they are married?
Many people are wising up these days and seeing that if you're playing
around with sex outside of marriage you are likely to get hurt. Here
are just a few reasons why more people are choosing to wait:
STD's - Half of people ages 15-24 who are sexually active have an STD! 1
Pregnancy - You can get pregnant using any type birth control (pills,
shots, devices, "pulling out," and/or condoms!)
Morals - Having high
morals (being able to distinguish between right and wrong conduct) is
what determines whether a society is civilized or barbaric.
Religious beliefs -To have others know your body intimately, before you are
married, is like telling your most precious secret to someone other than
the person who you really want to share your secret with. Once the
secret is out, it's not as much fun or special anymore. Beliefs, that
have withstood the tests of time, support the value that your body is
sacred and should be protected. 4
Reputation - Getting a bad reputation
is hard to overcome. It's easy to say we don't care what other people
think, but if we're honest with ourselves we generally live and act
dependent upon others and what others think of us.
The bottom line is that outside the context of a loving, committed,
self-less relationship - marriage - you are setting yourself up for
trouble if you choose to have sex.
How far is too far?
You may find that people will tell you that if you want to be abstinent,
that's okay, but you can do other things to satisfy your hormones such
as masturbate, touch each other sexually, give intimate massages, and so
forth. Let me pose a little scenario for you:
If you're in your car going about 65 mph and you are headed straight for
a tree, would you apply your brakes early on to avoid crashing or wait
until you were inches from the tree where crashing would probably be
inevitable? You would probably put your brakes on earlier to avoid a
messy crash. Well, sex isn't much different in terms of braking at the
right time.
If you are fooling around sexually in any way, you are putting yourself
in a tempting situation which will compromise your standards. We all
have self-control. You just have to decide how far is too far, knowing
that the farther you go the harder it is to stop. Set some boundaries
for yourself and don't compromise them.
Is "safe sex" outside of marriage really safe?
No. Condoms are not safe by any means; they are only "safer" than using
nothing. When you use a condom, you have a 15% chance of getting
HIV/AIDS. When you use a condom, you are not fully protecting yourself
against HPV (genital warts) or herpes which are both spread by intimate
skin-to-skin contact. When you use a condom, you are not protecting
your heart. 2
The only 100% effective "safe sex" is to not have sex before you are
married - for both you and your future spouse.
Can I get STD's from oral sex?
Yep - you can get every STD, including HIV/AIDS, from having oral sex.
I've already had sex, so what's the point in waiting?
If you've had sex but now want to wait until you are married, you can
start over by embracing renewed virginity - in fact, we highly recommend
starting over! Here's the hard part: you have to make the decision to
stop having sex until you are married. I'm not going to lie to you,
it's tough, but you can do it. Here are some steps you can use to start
over:
- Make the smart decision to stop having sex outside of marriage (believe
in yourself - you can do it!).
- Communicate that decision to someone you
trust and who cares about you and who will support your decision.
- Keep
yourself out of tempting situations and places (uh, like being alone
together in dark rooms or involving alcohol which many times throws good
sense out the window!)
- If you ever get caught in the heat of the moment
(hopefully you won't get to this point), remember that the ovaries do
work and you could get pregnant (or you could get your girlfriend
pregnant!)
- If the going gets tough, talk to that person you trust or
call AWC (814-234-7341). We understand.
You are no less valuable or special if you have "a past", or "baggage".
You cannot change your past, but you can change your present and your
future by making wise decisions now. Remember, sometimes the worst of
your past mistakes can be turned into the best of your future character.
Is there anything wrong with masturbation?
Emily Chase, author and sexual integrity speaker, in her "Waiting - the
Smart Choice" manual says this:
Who is in focus when a person masturbates? Sex enhances intimacy
between a husband and wife...Masturbation is selfish sex because it
bypasses relationships and marital intimacy...There is a difference
between natural exploration of ones body and unhealthy obsession with
masturbation (where thoughts focus on when the next opportunity will
arise, where one plans ones day around the event, etc.) It also might
affect your future marriage relationship - if the individual can meet
his or her own needs for sexual release more quickly than the spouse can
meet those needs, it may create tension in the marriage. The
selfishness of masturbation may carry over to the marital sex act in
which case the person who masturbates is only focused on his own
pleasure and not on that of his spouse. 3
References
1. Perspectives on Sexual and Reproductive Health
Volume 36, Number 1, January/February 2004
2. STD information. Retrieved from, http://www.worththewait.info/STD.htm
3. Chase, Emily. "Waiting - The Smart Choice" Manual.
* Lebanon Pregnancy Support Center. Retrieved August 4, 2004, 2005 from http://www.psclebanon.org/atm.html
5. The Bible
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