Making Smart Choices in Relationships
How do we make smart choices in pre-marital relationships? One way is
by setting boundaries.
Boundaries are given to protect. For example, if you want to protect
your baby brother from falling down the steps, you put up a baby fence
in front of the stairs - this boundary will protect your brother from
falling and possibly getting seriously injured. Setting boundaries in
relationships will help protect you from getting hurt.
Here are some ways you can protect yourself with boundaries:
- Guard your heart. There is a wise proverb that says "Above all else,
guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life." 1 We guard our hearts
because when we have been hurt, our hearts get hard and we are less able
to love. If we protect our hearts, we will be able to love our future
spouse freely.
- Wait for love's timing. Another wise proverb says "Do
not arouse or awaken love until it so desires." 2 If we force love or
rush into it too quickly allowing only our feelings to guide us we could
be setting ourselves up for a major heartbreak. Take the relationship
slowly, getting to know each other and spending time out in public and
with friends. Spend less alone time in places that could set you up for
physical intimacy too soon, like playing married when you're not.
- Set
a physical standard. The more you like each other, the more you want to
share physical intimacy with each other, it's natural and our bodies
want to go there. The problem is, if we don't set physical boundaries
we will most likely get into a sexual relationship before marriage,
which can be extremely damaging to your relationship and/or to your
future marriage relationship. For more information, check out the
website page titled "Why a Sexual Relationship before Marriage Sets
you Up for Trouble."
- Choose your significant other wisely. Check out
the website page "Relationships - What Do You Want?" to help you pick
the best somebody for yourself. The person you choose to date could end
up being your husband or wife someday, and then your child's father or
mother. What kind of husband or wife do you want? What kind of father
or mother do you want for your kids? You can't expect to get into a
relationship thinking the other person will change - find someone with
characteristics that you want in a future spouse and don't settle for
less; if you settle for less, it is you and your children who will
eventually suffer.
Resources
Boy Meets Girl; Say Hello to Courtship
Joshua Harris
1. Proverbs 4:23, the Bible
2. Song of Songs 8:4, the Bible
Return to Relationships & Sexual Health page
|
